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Muhammad was not a complete misogynist. To him woman was not "an organ of the Devil" (St. Bernard) but a fortress against Satan in that a good wife lessens the danger of extra-marital fornication. "The best treasure a man can hoard is a virtuous wife who pleases him when he looks to her, and who guards herself when he is absent". "The best of the commodities of the world is a virtuous wife".
However the man is head of his family and after consulting with his family has final say in decisions concerning it. To the man falls responsibility of defending and extending the borders of Islam.
"Men are superior to women on account of the qualities with which God hath gifted the one above the other, and on account of the outlay they make from their substance for them..." (4:34)
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient". (4:34)
"Men have authority because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them..." (4:34)
I cannot comment on which translation is closest to the original Arabic however AYA is often an apologist for some of the nastier things in the Qur'an and so "superior" is quite likely the nearer translation.
"The Role of Muslim Women in Society" states: "the male's brain is anatomically distinguished from the female's, showing signs of superior intelligence and mental growth."
"Men have a degree of advantage over women." (2:28) This concerns the qualities of leadership, surveillance and maintenance which are bestowed on men. To this end the wife must neither receive male visitors nor accept gifts from them without the husband's approval. The husband has the legal right to restrict his wife's freedom of movement such as leaving the house without his permission. Thus the husband can forbid her family visiting her or his wife from visiting her family.
Women remain basically minors all their lives, and know nothing positive about the outside world and so few are ready to challenge the system. While their brothers are indulged and spoilt the daughter is helping with household chores from a very early age. She is even expected to run and fetch for younger brothers who are aware of (4:34) (namely that Allah considers girls to be subordinate to boys) and they punish her if she is too slow.
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Islamic law recognizes the husband's right to discipline his wife for disobedience.
A joke from Baghdad? Abdul was taking his new bride home on the back of a camel. It shied and Abdul said: "That's One!" It shied again and he said: "That's Two! "On the third time that it shied he slaughtered it. His bride said that was a bit rough on the camel. Abdul's reply to his bride was: "That's One!"
As with many mediterranean Christian communities, men's honour and family pride dictate that the women in the family behave themselves. The brother chaperons his sister whenever she has to go out; this gives him a feeling of possessiveness and authority over her. The role of the father, brother or husband of a girl is to chastise or even murder her for bringing shame on them.
Modesty
Both men and women are bound by Ghadd al-Basar (lowering the eyes). "A first look is pardonable but the second is prohibited". (Muhammad) The reason is, of course, that glances may become amorous and may eventually lead to fornication or adultery. Naturally if the woman has to be examined by a doctor or a judge or so on eye-contact may be necessary. The Prophet said: "Do not call on women in the absence of their husbands because Satan may be circulating in you like blood. The younger or elder brother is Death." (Tirmidhi)
The Prophet said: "The one who touches the hand of a woman without having a lawful relationship with her, will have an ember placed on his palm on the Day of Judgment. " (Takmalah). (This hadith does not apply to aged women.) Shaking hands with women is therefore an un-Islamic practice.
The Prophet told someone who had been peeping into his room:
"If I had known that you were peeping, I would have poked some thing into your eye..." (Bukhari)
..... and when you ask women for an article, ask for it from behind a curtain." (33:53)
"And abide still in your houses and do not exhibit your beauty and decorations outside as in the period before Islam." (33:33)
Segregation from men means having "to endure men without really knowing them or being understood by them."
Female sexuality is feared and is seen as a source of provocation. 'Fitna' means beauty with disorder and this is how men view women from menarche to menopause. Apparently the Prophet did not consider Khadijah to be fitna as he did not introduce the veil until after he had procured young wives such as A'isha and Zaynab. A wife will never be allowed in public until she is no longer fitna.
He does the shopping and men only crowd the coffee palaces. A woman who leaves her home in western clothes threatens the men with fitna and they in turn will harass and pursue her. The concept of showing respect to women is alien to Islamic culture. It goes without saying that a Muslim woman should not wear make-up or perfume when out in public.
Some jurists are of the opinion that it is not haram (unlawful) to pluck hairs from a woman's face but Imam al-Nawawi does not agree. Muslim women are not to use public baths as this may lead to evil. They are not to undress except in their own homes. Men can use a public bath or swimming pool provided that they are never naked. If a rich man has his own swimming pool only one wife at a time can accompany him and sons or stepsons past puberty are not allowed to see her.
Dancing is un-Islamic and the Shariah does not allow Muslims to dance. Mixed gymnasia where women wear leotards or similarly abbreviated garments are not tolerated by Islamic law.
The Prophet preferred women to pray at home but, provided that they are clean (non-menstrual) they can attend a mosque and pray standing behind the men.
Gay Muslims?
The Qur'an says:
"If any of your women are guilty of lewdness (lesbianism) ... confine them... until death do claim them." (4:15)
But for males:
"If two men among you commit indecency (sodomy) punish them both. If they repent and mend their ways, let them be. Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." (4:16)
Sodomy is common among unmarried males but usually ceases on marriage. To be the active partner brings little disgrace but the passive partner is despised, although not to the same extent as in the West.
Marriage
Celibacy and monasticism are concepts foreign to Islam: "celibacy is not necessarily a virtue, and may be a vice."(n249 AYA) Everyone who can marry should do so. They should continue the human race and bring up their children to fear Allah. An exception would be a man who has no sexual drive at all, no love for children or who would slacken in his religious responsibilities if he married.
A quotation from "The Rights of Allah and Human Rights", Pakistan, 1981: "It is one of the most important duties of the parents to get their children married when they have reached the age of puberty otherwise the parents shall be held responsible partly on the Day of Judgment for any possible commissions."
A man should have a critical look at the face and hands of his intended spouse to acquaint himself with her beauty and personality; he should not gaze passionately. If a man wants to know more he may choose a woman to visit his intended and report to him in greater detail.
Similarly a woman has the right to look at her husband-to-be. No unchaperoned meetings are allowed but the family and the girl should ascertain there is common understanding between the pair. It is not surprising that nearly all Muslim marriages are like "buying a cat in a bag" as far as sexual compatibility is concerned.
The Qur'an states: "Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands if they mutually agree." (2:232) but Imam Malik says that this is subject to ijbar, the right of the girl's father or guardian to intervene. An arranged marriage is not possible without the consent of the girl. Yet in the villages there may be "no room for discussion." The girl must agree to accept whomever is offered to her, whether he is deformed, deaf, blind or imbecile."
Restrictions on a number of marriage bonds apply. Some which may not be normal in your country are: a woman cannot marry her foster father (the girl and his son or daughter may have had the same wet-nurse), foster brother (i.e. no blood relation), foster mother's brother, step-son, her daughter's husband (whether she is alive or not). She and her sister cannot be married to the same man at the same time nor can she and her aunt be married to the same man.
The husband has to pay the wife a dowry, although if he is poor it may be very nominal. This is the price of the marital rights he has on her, and becomes payable after the first intercourse. "Marry these maids with the permission of their masters and pay them their dowries." (4:25) The husband must also bear the living expenses of the wife.
The young bride usually goes to live at her husband's family home. This can create problems with her mother-in-law. The mother often clings to her son and expects him to take her side in any tiffs between the women.
The man must not deprive a wife of sex: the maximum time allowed by the Islamic Law for such punishment is four months.
Obedience
A wife must be obedient to her husband but only if the rights of Allah come first, for example he could not force her to dance, and so on. "A woman's submission to her husband's authority is a part and parcel of her religious duties... which will help her get to Paradise. " Women may not refuse to have sex with their husbands. The Prophet said:
"When a man calls to his wife to satisfy his desire, she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven." (Tirmidhi)
The law can force a woman to return to her husband, and send her back under police escort.
A woman must not spend her husband's money without his consent. The exception is if he is rich and stingy and the money is for basic needs.
The first step in maintaining obedience is the warning. If this fails to correct the wife, the second step is for the husband to refuse to share his bed with her, that is to suspend conjugal relations. If this is insufficient the third step is to administer a light beating. "The purpose of this beating is not to inflict pain but to bring the wife back to her senses and re-establish authority." But "do not beat your wife on the face or in such a way as to leave a mark on her body." (Muhammad) The Prophet goes on to say: "Your treatment of your wives should be kind as well as righteous."
Polygamy
In the case of an intractable wife whom the husband cannot reform, the best solution is to take another wife. The same is true if his wife is ill, barren, aged, of unsound mind or if the one wife does not satisfy the man's natural desires. In such cases polygamy can provide an answer, but "a man who marries more than one woman and then does not deal justly with them, will be resurrected with half his faculties paralyzed." (Muhammad)
Polygamy has been permitted by the Qur'an, up to a maximum of four wives provided that equity can be maintained for all wives. Thus the financial status of the husband is an important factor in deciding whether he should have more than one wife. It is not necessary to obtain the consent of the first wife before marrying a second, and so on. But he must have proper relations with all wives: "Do not lean exclusively to one of them, leaving the rest of them suspended." (4:129).
When a new wife is married she gets preferential treatment for up to a week if she has been a virgin or three days if she has been previously married, but thereafter she must share her husband's time impartially. In practice, however, time may not be shared fairly. An Egyptian polygamist remarked: "It's only natural. A man has to stay close to a new wife, at least for the first two years.
Just as Allah has created man with a natural desire for more than one woman, so the co-wife should resist the natural feelings of jealousy. Qur'ah, the drawing of lots may be the most dispassionate method of sharing time equitably with wives. Where each wife gets a day in turn, sunset to sunset is taken as the period and during the day a husband can recuperate with the wife he slept with the previous night.
It is preferable that each wife has separate living quarters for the husband to visit. The co-wives should not be in the same house unless they agree to communal living or it is divided into apartments. However they can even share the same bed if they agree but it is haram (unlawful) for a co-wife to witness him going into another wife. Another possibility is for the husband to have separate living quarters while his wives, who may live in one house, visit him on their respective turns. If he wishes to travel and is only able to take one wife along she should be chosen by Qur'ah, that is by drawing lots.
Polyandry, a woman having more than one husband, is an abomination to Islam. It is not feasible in a patriarchal society where one man is the head of the family. Nor would each husband know his own children for the purpose of inheritance. (Modern DNA gene mapping would overcome this objection.) Another reason against polyandry is given by Khurshid Ahmad.
"If we examine the origin of venereal diseases, we find that they originate from a woman being sexually visited by more than one man."8 He goes on with almost a page of further explanation but I am sure that the learned gentleman thinks that the fungi, bacteria or viruses involved are created in the woman ex nihilo by Allah. Of course, if all partners remain faithful there is no reason why a polyandrous (more than one husband) marriage would be any more prone to communicable diseases than a polygynous (more than one wife) one.
Due to western influence, marriage laws are not always in accord with the Qur'an or the Hadith. For example in Pakistan written permission is (was?) needed from the Arbitration Council before marrying a second wife. Also the consent of the first wife is necessary except in the cases of insanity, physical infirmity or sterility. In Tunisia or Syria no polygamy at all is allowed. This will undoubtedly change if fundamentalists take power.
Although Muhammad had nine wives at one time many of these marriages were politically motivated. To join tribes together, the Prophet made a "great sacrifice."
Divorce
Islam prefers to see marriage as a life-time commitment but if this is impossible then divorce may be necessary. In most cases the husband divorces the wife and loses his dowry.
The least approved form of divorce is Talaq al-bida where the husband says to the wife: "Talaq. Talaq. Talaq". Because this is irrevocable, Caliph Umar used to whip the husband who divorced his wife in one pronouncement. Also irrevocable is Talaq al-Bain where the husband pronounces "Talaq" on three separate occasions. This is a less hasty form of divorce and so is more preferred.
With Talaq ar-Raji the husband pronounces "Talaq" only once and abstains from sex with her for three months. If in this time he has intercourse with her, even if she is unwilling, then the talaq is revoked. The exact iddah (waiting period) is a question of debate among jurists. In all cases, talaq must not be pronounced while the woman is having her period or still bleeding after childbirth as her inaccessability may be off-putting to the husband. A pregnant woman may be divorced according to most jurists.
After the triple divorce it is haram (unlawful) and punishable for the former partners to have intercourse. Moreover if they wish to remarry it is necessary for the woman to first marry and divorce someone else. This second marriage must be consummated under Islamic law so that the former husband can see if he feels any jealousy, that is whether there is any real feeling left. This practice, called halala, was considered as adultery by Caliph Umar.
The wife can divorce her husband by the remedy of Faskh if approved by the Qadi, Court. The grounds vary among the different Schools of Law but include apostasy, cruelty, lack of maintenance, going missing, insanity, dangerous contagion, even incompatibility.
One may ask why it is so easy for the man to obtain a divorce but so difficult for a woman. "If women were given the power of unilateral divorce, it is probable millions of them would divorce their husbands. " because there are times of the month when a woman is not in full control of her faculties; she may suffer bouts of ill-temper, depression or jealousy-be upset by trivia which normally would not bother her.
The Qur'an (4:28) reveals a method whereby a wife can ask her husband for a divorce, Khul, if he is willing and if she is able to repay part or all of the dowry which she received. The release may bind her to maintaining a child until it is weaned. Khul must not be undertaken lightly:
"If any woman asks for a divorce from her husband without specific reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be unlawful to her." (Muhammad)
A man who accuses his wife of adultery but has no witnesses must declare on oath four times that the accusation is true. The fifth time he must declare on oath that the curse of Allah may fall on him, if the accusation be false. This solemn statement of the husband renders the wife liable to punishment. The only way to save herself is to deny the accusation four times on oath and swear that the wrath of Allah be upon her if she is telling an untruth. The way out of this impasse is for the court to divorce them.
The adultery laws are often not in accord with the Sunna and are a bone of contention with the fundamentalists. For example in Egypt the punishment for an adulteress is only two years' prison sentence. For a man the punishment is six months, if and only if, it was committed in the family home. If a man is caught in the act with a prostitute, he is not punished but used as a witness against her.
If the woman cannot get a divorce through the court or by Khul, she can apostase and so separate. This is possible in India where she cannot be legally murdered for apostasy, "till such time when an Islamic Government is established... in India. " (Hindus and free-thinkers be warned!)
The divorced woman lives in the matrimonial home until the iddah (waiting period) is over. She may not leave it nor may the husband demand that she go. He has to maintain her unless she left his home, had travelled (except the Haj) without his permission, had refused him his conjugal rights or had been imprisoned for a crime.
Custody of Children
Custody depends upon which Islamic School of Jurisprudence is involved. The traditional view is that boys are taken by the father after they have been weaned, that is at age two, while little girls leave their mothers at seven years of age. As this led, in many cases, to socially harmful consequences the Malechite School of Sunni Islam allows girls to stay with their mother and boys up until puberty.
She does not get custody if she is not a fit person nor does she retain custody if she re-marries. Her mother, provided that they are not living together, or her former mother-in-law look after the children. The mother must not have a full-time job; she should have plenty of time to look after them.
Mixed Marriages
Muslim men are allowed to marry zimmis (non-Muslims in an Islamic country) but Muslim women are not. The reason given is that feminine nature being less dominant and more flexible, she is more likely to adopt their way of life and less likely to affect their thinking. She may even be influenced to apostacise. At the best it would only be a carnal relationship and not an Allah-fearing one.
Nevertheless, Islam frowns on Muslim men marrying zimmis. There were cases where the Prophet, Umar and Ali did not allow such matches: "You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, loving those who oppose Allah and His Messenger." (58:22) If such a mixed marriage occurs then any children must be brought up as Muslims.
Child Marriages
A girl who is given in marriage as a minor by someone other than her father or grandfather is able to accept or reject the bond on reaching adulthood. However, jurists hold that if she is given away by her father or grandfather the marriage is binding on her.
A girl is often virtually forced to marry an old man because he owns some land or can provide a large dowry.
The Prophet consummated his marriage with A'isha when she was nine and this was considered the age of consent for a long time. Even today many fundamentalists believe that a girl is adult at the first signs of puberty. Non-Qur'anic laws have been introduced in a number of coun-tries, influenced by the West, limiting the age of marriage to 15 or 16.
Living Expenses
The Qur'an grants the wife living expenses and in return the husband gets his conjugal rights. But, "he whose provisions are limited, let him spend of that which Allah has given him." (65:7). On the other hand, the wife is not expected to starve with him and she can get a separation if he is completely without means.
Inheritance
Islamic laws of inheritance are too complicated to discuss here in detail but the general rule is that a female receives half the inheritance of a male. For example, in the absence of any other heirs a son would receive two-thirds and a daughter one-third.
If a wife dies leaving a son and a daughter then her property is divided between her husband and the children; if both children are daughters then her parents (or in their absence her brothers and sisters) also receive a share.
A widow receives a quarter of her deceased husband's estate if he leaves no children; the rest goes to his parents or siblings. If he leaves children, the widow gets only one-eighth. (The Old Testament is even more unkind to a widow. She is not an heir at all to her husband's property. To live she has to rely on her children or her own family.)
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